The Worst Valentines Date Ever  

Our Valentine’s Date: Ruined by Eagles Fans and a Cold Hot Tub. 

Valentines day is already a gamble. One year I decided to go all in, and Philadelphia crushed us.

This is the story of when I decided I was going to actually do it. Do the whole Valentines Day thing. Do the expensive restaurant, the flowers, the weekend away, the whole shebang. 

The Plan 

My lovely wife Michelle has a favorite painting, it’s that George Stubbs Hound Coursing a Stag. It’s amazing, you can see the artist really captures the moment, you can see individual muscles in both animals, incredible realism, and it’s just an amazing composition. 

The original is on display at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It’s like 4 feet by 3 feet, it’s exceptionally large. Seeing it in person is amazing, and she never had. I thought “why don’t I build an evening around that for her? That can be the centerpiece of the date!”  

As for me, I love boats and sailing. Philadelphia also has Moshulu, one of the last four-masted sailing barques, that is now a floating restaurant. The ship was built in 1904, and now it’s right there on the wharf at Penn’s Landing. Things were coming together. This was going to be a date that had her stuff, my stuff, and a weekend away. 

I found a cute Airbnb cabin with a hot tub just about a half hour outside Philly. I made reservations at the restaurant, I was ready, fully ready. 

The Problem 

Meanwhile, the Philadelphia Eagles were in the playoffs. They won against the Washington Commanders and that put them in the Super Bowl. Then they won the Super Bowl. 

The City of Brotherly Love has a lot of love for the Eagles, and the city threw a super bowl champions party for the ages. Weather and other scheduling problems pushed it back a week. 

Right on February 14^th. 

Yes, the super bowl champions parade and party was on Valentines day. 

Hmm, well, it’s probably just a parade in the morning, right? 

So we drove up there the night before to stay at the Airbnb. Checked in for two nights. It was frigid cold, wind blowing, snow picking up from the grass and burning the skin. 

First night we got there a little late and ended up going almost straight to bed. In the morning of February 14^th we headed out around 10am to hit the Museum and start the perfect date. 

The Museum 

It wasn’t until we got near the city that things started to go sideways. Traffic was crazy, everyone everywhere was in Philly for the super bowl parade. Soon we were surrounded by people leaving the parade. Men on foot, carrying open bottles of liquor, three sheets to the wind. Chants of “Fly Eagles Fly!” My wife pushed the door locks because she was feeling really intimidated by all these drunk dudes staggering by. 

Fine, okay, so maybe we’ll just grab lunch somewhere.

We pulled into a restaurant and wandered inside. The place was jam packed. They told us the kitchen was closed; they were only serving alcohol and bar snacks right now. My wife was so anxious by this point from the traffic and the crowds and the public drunkenness that she was like, okay, let’s just go home. I said, “maybe we can soldier on and find a better option.” I ordered a quick snack of fries and wings, and we took it and left. 

The Restaurant 

All streets were still crowded and packed from the party, so it was a crawl down to the wharf. It was about 3 in the afternoon, our reservation wasn’t until 5:30. We parked at the restaurant and wandered in and asked if we could check in a little early. And voila! We had a safe place to chill and eat. 

I cannot describe the relief at walking into that restaurant. It was like stepping out of a riot and into a 1930s novel. Knowing we were going to be there all night, we took our time with appetizers and enjoyed each other’s company. My wife went out to the car and got her gown and came back and changed in the restroom, then I took a turn and put on my suit. Changing clothes made it feel almost like two dates. 

Michelle ordered the duck, which arrived looking elegant but tasted… exactly like chicken. My steak was fine. Also, deeply average. You know actually? It was the kind of “fine” that makes you question life choices.  

The whole dinner clocked in around $400, which felt insane for what basically amounted to elevated bar food on a boat. Still, we enjoyed ourselves, the history under our feet, and just being there together after the day’s madness.  

We lingered over dinner, chatted and looked and played and talked and laughed. This part of the date was amazing. We had read that Eric Newby book, The Last Grain Race. Newby worked on the Moshulu as a sailor in 1939. He sailed around the world from England to Australia and back again. We went exploring and saw some of the actual places on the ship he’d described in the book and just enjoyed the history of it. 

After dinner, we went to the bar and lingered over drinks, chatting with others who were coming in. We made our way back to the car around 10pm and went to drive back to the Airbnb. 

The Wreck 

In the unfamiliar city, I made a wrong turn and hit a curb, and my wife declared she’d had enough. She closed her eyes and put on her headphones and just tried to listen to music to calm back down. I drove us back to the Airbnb through traffic, and we made it around 11.  

I went out to check the hot tub, thinking that might be a good way to bring the evening back around. By then the wind had picked up, it was biting cold. Bitterly cold. That poor hot tub couldn’t keep itself warm in this weather.  

Okay. We’re going to bed early. 

The next morning, we drove slowly home. 

The Lesson 

So, what did I learn? I guess all the planning in the world can’t outrun the unknown. Even if you don’t follow the sportsball, it will still reach out to haunt you.

Not everything works out, but Michelle is still my favorite date. 

–Mike and Michelle 

Ever had a date ruined by a championship parade? Drop a comment! I need solidarity!